Raising your children in the Western or Asian way

Zhen Ming Ng
3 min readApr 19, 2021

Here is a philosophical question. What happens if Western-born parents adopt the Asian way of raising their children? What happens if Asian born parents assume the Western way of raising their children?

The Western way of raising children is to support their growth towards maturity with reasonably limited intervention. By the time a threshold is reached, generally by the age of 18 years old, the parents will adopt an utterly non-intrusive approach. They will offer their children complete independence to manage their studies and finance, and matters in society. Therefore, the amount of sacrifice is relatively limited.

I want my children to have the best possible life through the environment that I nurture for them. The setting is sufficient for the children to mature organically, with their direction. There is no need to strive for a life better than my current generation because that’s how I was raised.

The relatively (as we will see later) minor sacrifice meant the expectations for returning the favour in the future is less significant.

The Asians, on the other hand, raise their children towards maturity with maximum intervention. Some have gone to extreme cases to choke the children through drastic intervention, leaving little or no room for the children to grow organically. The threshold age to fully let go is relatively higher than that in Western standards. Therefore, the amount of sacrifice is fairly extensive.

The extensive sacrifice warrants a return of this favour in the future. The extra directive is a way of forcing things, though it comes with best intentions, it inevitably consumes energy.

I want my children to have the best possible life through the environment I nurture for them and also mature under my direction because I know what is best for them. I want my children to have a life better than my current generation because that’s how I was raised.

It can be said that the way of raising children is a product of its culture. Therefore, the way an Asian parent raises their children is suited optimally for Asian culture, and similarly for their Western counterparts.

What happens if this chain is broken?

What happens when globalisastion happens more rapidly than ever before?

What happens when the Asian and Western culture merge?

Which approach will prevail?

A Western parent adopts the Asian way of raising their children. Therefore being the first in their lineage to choose to sacrifice more for their children than their ancestors. Their assessment will come by comparing themselves with their peers in the same generation.

Why should I sacrifice more for my children, when others are not? Would my children grow to be incompatible in Western society as a result? Why force the nature of things?

An Asian parent adopts the Western way of raising their children. Therefore being the first in their lineage to choose to sacrifice less for their children than their ancestors. Their assessment will come by comparing themselves with their ancestors in the previous generation.

Why should I sacrifice less for my children, when my parents and forefathers have sacrificed much for me? Would my children grow to be incompatible in Asian society as a result?

Unfortunately, I do not have an answer to my own question. It is thought-provoking nevertheless.

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